I hate it when I don’t have anything funny to talk about but I’m going to post this anyway. Ha! A few years ago when I was working downtown I had a whole busload of people to scoff at and look down my nose at, but not this year.  We had Stinky Cigarette Lady who stunk up the whole bus, Mushroom Hair Cut Lady whose white hair was cut in such a way that it looked just like; you guessed it, a white button mushroom. We had Blind Guy Steve whom I didn’t look down my nose or scoff at but instead had to admire the guy for taking the bus at all. How scary would THAT be? Oh, and my personal favorite was the lady who yawned every time she looked at me. Yeah, I don’t get it either.  Plus, she wore one of those knit Alpaca hats with the strings hanging down on either side. Jeez, what are you thinking?

See, cute baby in cute alpaca hat and not so cute alpaca in not so cute alpaca hat. OK, you may think it’s cute but for sure it’s stinky. I think I can smell it from here.

Sorry, I know a lot of folks like them and I’m sure they’re warm, but I think they look monumentally stupid on anyone over the age of two.  

But I digress, let’s get back on the bus. As you might guess, there is by no means a shortage of douche bag business men on the bus who never tire of listening to themselves talk about how busy and important they are and speak so loudly you can’t hear yourself think. Reading is out of the question, the only defense is to turn up the volume on your iPod and hopefully drown him out. Oh, and he’s also the guy who has to take up as much space as possible by stretching out his arms and legs and leaning forward. Fuck you. There is no personal space on the bus you fat head; you don’t get to take up two seats just because you’re under the delusion that you are superior to the rest of us. Again I say, fuck you. Get in your behemoth SUV and drive to work like your other douche bag friends and spare us your shit-bag personality.   

For some reason there are only perhaps five people on the return trip. I almost always have the same bus driver. She sometimes forgets to let me off the bus. I pull the buzzer thingy, she pulls over, and while I’m getting up to leave she takes off. Um…HEY, did you want to let me off the bus, Crazy Bus Driver Lady?